Important questions of our time: Will a WAG ever leave her man?

Not likely! If you're stupid enough to get with a footballer who goes out clubbing and is regularly snapped by the pap with cheap & nasty hoe's, who then comes home and tells you that it's not his fault - it's the press that make him look bad because they need to sell papers, then the least you can be rewarded with is his cash. I'm reminded of a track intro from Dr Dre's 2001, which includes little gems like 'you knew when you got with the N*****that he already had a woman, but you f***ed him anyway, didn't you b****, didn't you!' & 'Mamma was a ho*, she was weekend p***y, she went an got pregnant, coz she was trying to keep a n***** that she wanted'

Words that should be banned....

Jeggings. Who says this?! Actually my friend Gemma does, but I don't like it, not one bit. Now I have to hear it weaving it's way into daily vocab by featuring on a Tesco advert - truly tradgic. Either get skinny jeans or leggings, don't combine the two. If your legs don't fit into skinnies, then jeggings sure as hell 'aint gonna work for you honey, just back off. It's time to admit to yourself that leggings are your only weapon. Step away from the jeggings and never say that hideous word again, yak!  

My day in pictures: Sepantine Gallery to Saatchi Gallery

Uncool shoes

MBT's - all (especially the boots). Crocs - any. Uggs - most. Birkenstocks - any. Vivienne Westwood jelly shoes - all (if you can't afford real designer shoes - just don't get any!).

Just how bad is a bacon sandwich?

Is a bacon sandwich really all that bad for you? It it much worse than un pain au chocolat? Important questions.

What do your Facebook status updates say about you - mine say I'm fat!

It has recently been brough to my attention that the majority (not all as certain people keep pointing out - bullies!) of my Facebook status updates are about eating and drinking. At first I decided I was being cyber bullied by my skinny friend and took great offence. When another 'friend' (I use the term losely after this incident) commented on the same thing I had to step back and take a good hard look at myself. I'd say 60% are linked to consumption of solids or liquids. Initially I thought 'shit, what a fatty loser, how embarassing to talk about food all the time!' however, on refelction I have come to two conclusions 1. Food is amazing, pretty damn interesting and definitely worth talking about 2. I'm not talking about eating it alone so everyone is just jealous of my socail life - ha! Actually I have a third one  - 3. If I was paid a decent amount by my employer I would be writing about holidays instead but I don't, so deal with the food updates people. If you don't like it - defriend me!

Things you don't want to hear, pretty much ever

1. The man from the video shop comment on how often you come into the shop.
2. Your boyfriend say your new haircut is 'cute', I think you mean sexy!
3. Your boyfriend say 'I love your tummy' - I think you mean six pack!
4. 1534 isn't that when you were born?! From a scrawny student who barely looks old enough to drink and who has almost certainly never had sex, unless with his dog &/ vacum cleaner counts

Why I love Vimeo.....

How amazing is Vimeo. Very. It's just so much cooler than YouTube, the graphics are ultra effective and easy to understand. Everyone loves a big heart graphic don't they? Rhetorical. Reminds me a bit of pip.io (apparently the new Facebook - or one of them - not convinced but it looks cool, if only my friends were on it (maybe that's be cause I don't have any firends - hmmm)) Anyway below is a brilliant example of the quality of content on Vimeo, it's basically where all the cool kids hang out, not sure how I found it then.

The Bad Sushi Incident from Tim Wesoly on Vimeo.

Where is Westwood / Where is Emma?

Come on England - Rooooooney!

How embarrassing will it be if we don't get past the group stages! Very. Surely they can pull it together for 90 mins. It just seems very unlikely after last Fridays performance doesn't it! Gerrard with his dodgy foot hitting the ball off somewhere into outer space, Rooney looking like a 5 year old who'd been told he wasn't allowed a Maccy Ds for his tea and the rest of them, well, the less said the better. Utter rubbish. Please, please, please be nicer to the boys Fabio, your X management tactics are clearly not working. Tell them you'll love them even if they lose (don’t mean it obv) and I'm sure they'll be good little boys. Roooooooney!

So what's the correct response to 'i'm just looking at your belly'

Surely every girls worst nightmare, you've seen your 'live in' casting slightly too long a glance at your stomach area in the past week or so, when confronted with the question 'what are you looking at?' (in a non agressive tone I might add) the last thing you want to hear is 'your belly'. Shocked, I push it further 'what do you mean my belly?!' why did I do this to myself? I get a response along the lines of it's fine, I like it and I've put on weight too look. This is coming from Mr Terminator who has not an ounce of fat on him! Typical girl response, I can't help it it's in my genes, I want to cry, curl up in a ball and never leave the comfort of my own bed ever again. Instead I somehow manage to hold back the tears (well done me) run to the bedroom and put on a top to cover what I now imagine to be my humongous grotesquley obese stomach. Feeling pretty shit about myself I now have to sit through a day of being an internal emmotional wreck and trying not to think about food which, let's  face it, when you have a desk job, is the only thing getting me through to 5:30! Pretty sure my time would be better spent on important issues such as how to solve the BP oil spill, providing aid to children in Africa and how bankers should be penalised but oh well, that's just me!

Souk Medina, Covent Garden

So at the wknd I found a nice little place in Covent garden for dinner. This, for anyone who lives in London will know, is quite a feat as usually all eateries in this area are subject to being waaay overpriced, full of tourists and generally just not a nice experience. I have to say I’m a bit of a one trick pony and once I’ve found something I like, I generally stick to it, I’m just a bit boring like that! And for that reason pretty much every time I go to Covent Garden I go to Wahacca, which btw is amazing. It’s cheap, tasy and most importantly does amazing tequila and my absolute favourite – salty beer. I think it’s official Mexican name is a chellada, fresh lime juice with official Mexican beer with salt around the rim, delicious – truly. But alas I think I have finally found an alternative, is this what happens when you try new things?! Souk Medina. It‘s hidden on Short Street (I think) just by the Chicago theatre. You’re greeted to very authentic Moroccan/African décor and the enticing smell of burning incense, friendly staff and if you’re lucky, a belly dancer. The food is decently priced, I went for the Chicken, chickpea and harissa tagine, £12, tasty, decent size, brilliant. Everyone else was suitably happy with the food, particularly the veggies among us (those crazy fools, how could you refuse the sumptuous offering of bacon in life?!) so all in all good experience. I now have 2 Covent Garden eateries in my repertoire, marvellous.

Took a little trip to Polo in the park on Sunday in Fulham

Took a little trip to Polo in the park on Sunday in Fulham, very posh I know. Didn’t really know what to expect as I hadn’t been before, all I was sure of was that there would be ponces a plenty and I wasn’t disappointed. There were boys in deck shoes with severely goofy teeth and floppy hair, the classic red or yellow chino trouser (seems to have transferred from Sweden – they were ten a penny in Stockholm), lots of long blonde hair – slightly backcombed, stupid hats, ridiculously slutty dresses which rich people seem to make look posh (if they went to a council estate and saw that much flesh they’d think it was a terrible show and down right common) much to the boys delight I might add. A strange comment from F along the lines of ‘there are so many defined calves here, it just shows you that these girls live in the gym’ - er what?! Plenty of Pimms and Veuve Cliquot , obligatory. To be honest I found the people watching the most exciting. It was quite amazing and much like a trip back in time to my Uni days at Oxford Brookes, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the poor souls but went with the first option in the end. Polo players were looking pretty tasty so there was something for the girls too. Managed to get a close up of one………

All in all a good day, worth the experience for sure!

Cheryl Cole, natural beauty?

Is it annoying anyone else that Cheryl Cole is constantly refered to as a 'natural beauty'? She is stunning yes, but I'm confused as to why someone who is caked in fake tan, foundation, constantly dons fake lashes, has fake teeth, permanent hair extensions and, if Louis Walsh has anything to do with it, has had Botox, is refered to as 'natural'! No one can deny she is beautiful with all that on but take a look at her when she first started out and I'm not so sure she deserves the title 'natural beauty'?

My rant might suggest I don't like the girl but that's not true, I am a fan, I'm just not so sure she's doing much to help the younger, particularly female, generation. Fake hair & lashes etc, too thin, married a footballer,
took back a cheat - not exactly what I'd want my daughter to aspire too.

Today I am mostly wearing.....

Hurra for 17 Mai, to celebrate Norwegian Independence Day here are my favourite Norwegian foods....

Lomper preferably with sausage, ketchup and ....

sennep (mustard)

Kvikk Lunsj (Quick Lunch - an improved Kit Kat)

 

Non Stop, my absolute favourite

Possibly the best cheese in the world! (sorry halloumi)

I am off to the Nordic Bakery in Soho tonight to get a quick fix ; )

Oh the terror of jeans shopping!

(Acne Jeans, Sweden)

I have £100 to spend on a pair of jeans which in my book is a pretty decent amount of money to be honest. The last pair were some All Saints numbers which came in at a very reasonable £50 (last time I was in there I picked up a jumper with a £250 price tag on, was it made from Rapunzels hair? I think not) and the pair before that were a whopping, not Wapping, £30 from the ever amazing H&M. £100 however seems to be the lower end for many jeans stores, £300 for a pair of jeans, no chance. I am determined however to find a beautiful pair for under £100. The most problematic part of the jean journey is finding somewhere that supports pig legs, big calves, big bum and a high waist ( I have been cursed I know), so that'll be nowhere then!
Understandably people with my unfortunate shape are often advised not leave the house, here I defy society and say 'let me live and let me wear denim!'. The next problem I face is that what in really looking for is a jean that will make my legs as long as Giselle Bundchen, my arse the size of Kylie's and a waist as neat as (enter name of someone with good waist). Again this is nigh on impossible. So what I have set out to do is acheive something totally unattainable, not only that, I have chosen to embark on this journey with a male! What am I thinking, wish me luck, you can see I'll clearly need it.

Sixth grader performs Lady Ga Ga

I have never seen anything like this, this boy is truly gifted, a genuine genius! You cannot watch this without being amazed.

Turning the tables on dating

So I've been dropping a few hints recently to F about how we haven't been out for dinner for an age and quite frankly, not getting anywhere. F is terribly guilty of having to spend a fortune on things in order for him to perceive them to be good, so far this extends to holidays, dinners and suits. How a Glaswegian ever developed a taste for such things is beyond me. So back to the date thing, I've decided to make a stand. A stand for all independent women out there, a stand for all the ladies who earn money and who have and desire power and want to make a difference in this life. I'm taking my man out for dinner! I'm doing it! No more moaning, just doing. I'm armed with a Pizza Express voucher and a newly replenished bank account, nothing can stop me now! Watch out world, I'm on a crusade and nothing can stop me. Unless the bill comes to over £50 in which case F will have to pay ;)

Ironing, a dying art form....

A dying art form but a fantastic way to update your wardrobe. Who knew I had so many decent clothes. Why have I resorted to bootleg jeans and faded gap cardigyns when I could have been wearing something vuagely resembling fashion?! Well here's to ironing, we salute you. At least until all the creasless items come to and end, then back to black I go. Man, housework is hard, I'd never survive the 50's!

What to do with pig legs and a Betty

Life can be hard enough when you have short legs but when the thigh area is a power house of unwanted muscle stemming down to a super sized calf with no gap between said calf and ankle, things can really get downright difficult. Winter months are passed in a delerium of ankle and knee length boots, sometimes teamed with an even longer wooly sock (I love nothing mire than weather cold enough to warrant a thick knee length sock, heaven!) yet as April approaches the fear is soon realised that shortly, boots will no longer do. Harsh times. As if the trotter effect were not curse enough I am also blessed with an unsightly bunion whom I refer to as Betty. Oh yeah, now you really feel sorry for me I can feel it but Sometimes life deals you a duff and you just have to roll with it. So what is a poor pig legged girl to do in these warmer months? I have still to find the answer I'm afraid. Today i'm sporting some rather dashing gold flat pumps. Even with gel cushioned soles added to the heel and some carefully considered tummy tucking and walking high I am unable to prevent the effect of a baby elephant hungrilly staggering toward it's mother who happens to be holding a Big Mac. Darn these legs, and you too are included here Betty. As if the inability to walk were not enough, Betty has to go and add her two pence by cutting up my feet and making them ache all day. What's a girl to do ey?

Dear Jennifer Aniston

Dear Jennifer Aniston,
Please stop making films. You are rubbish and Rachel like in each one and it just isn't funny or endearing anymore. Carry on with the serial dating and trying to get back with Brad by all means but please, no more films!
Yours sincerely,
LLBGITBBC
p.s. Have you seen Angelina?! You'll ne...ver win.
p.p.s. Keep trying to win him back though as it's quite entertaining.

Roman Polanski's The Ghost

To be honest I hadn't heard of this film until some friends said they'd been to see it and that is was well worth a go. F always wants to read reviews about things, I'm more about just finding out for myself but went with the idea of researching to keep the peace.
Apparently Rotten Tomatoes is a good review site if you are also a bit research intensive (get a life ;) but after trying this, BBC & the Guardian could I find a review, nuh uh. This was when F decided to tell me the Director is actually wanted by the US Government over a child sex charge! So no one wants to write about him, makes sense I guess. He's been wanted for 5 years but ran off to Switzerland to escape arrest and now Monsieur Sarcozy has asked big balls Barak to let him off. I like Sarkozy's ban the burka thing but I'm not sure I get this one. Anyhow decided to do a bit of Wikipedia research, the Wiki never lies (!) turns out he admitted to having sex with a 13 year old, unfortunately I couldn't establish whether he knew she was 13 or if like many a girl in my high school she actually appeared to be 18 or older. Decided that if Pierce and Ewan were willing to give the old chap a go then so would I. After all it's not like I don't listen to Jacko after his wierd thing with what's his name. Bit wierd isn't it with things like that. Anyway, marvellous film, intelligent, real, well shot, amazing characters and a giant step away from phoney American flashy blockbuster. I loved it and would recommend to anyone who loves a good thriller with brains. I'm not sure why but I love the wife character, she was perfect. Intelligent, strong, beautiful in a slightly unasuming way. Crafty yet vunerable in a suffering wife sort of way. For some reason I was really glad she stayed true to herself in terms of dress and behaviour when Brosnan was obvioulsy using Kim Cattrall for more than her PR skills, who wouldn't ; ) She was proud to walk around in a brown dressing gown ( yak! ) and jogging bottoms. Hmm maybe I'm realising why he was cheating. Note to self, throw away baggy, stained light grey jogging bottoms.

See the trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4a1VPwLFjY
(Youtube wouldn't let me embed for some reason, boo hiss!)

MGMT tickets booked, woo hoo!

So happy I have tickets to see these amazingly talented people. I missed out last year, can't remeber why. Dragging F with me who being a hardcore trance fan, doesn't really get this sort of thing. Looking forward to him busting some dodgy trance moves (the old beating the chest & commanding the crowd are just some of my favourites) as were standing and I plan to be right in the thick of all the action dancing away to my hearts content. Unfortunately for everyone else I'll be singing at the top of my voice too. Must make sure F dresses properly, I'm banning the skin tight leopard skin tshirt. Not acceptable. I suppose I should leave my pink velour hoody at home too, I do actually own one, can't believe I just admitted that! I never wear it outside though I promise.

Apple's next iPhone, hello!

So some Apple worker seems to have left the new iPhone prototype in a bar in the states. Cynics (and conspiracy theory girl, who sits next to me) would say this is all a ploy staged by Apple although all the Techies seem to be suggesting otherwise. Seen as Apple and particulary iPhones are rediculously successful I can't imagine why they would release a pretty much functional phone before it's ready to market. Their competitors must be laughing! Although it wouldn't take a genius to see what they were going to do next, the front facing camera is already used on cameras and it makes total sense with webcams and Skype etc. The improved camera with flash is desparately needed. Can't say I know anything about why we need a micro sim but, yeah, looks good. I'm sure people will be going mental for them over her in the UK, at least we have all the operators in the game now so their is actually a chance to get one. I have to say though, I wish we would get a serious competitor to the iPhone but nothing seems to cut it, us it really that difficult?!

See the new iPhone here -
http://gizmodo.com/5520164/this-is-apples-next-iphone

Hmmmm politics (and a game of would you rather)

So, politics ey. Can't really miss it at the moment can you. In all honesty I can't say I've been all that interested in elections before. I have voted but its probably based more on a whim or who I voted for last time as opposed to their latest manifesto. Whoops. Oh well at least I voted.

So this time round I'm doing my best to try and get more into it. Starting point, an article in Grazia followed by an article in Stylist. After Reading these I realised I needed something of a little more substance so I headed for the Sun. Not really. Being a bit of a loser and taking enjoyment from looking at websites (currently holding my hand in the L sign on my forehead, probably the wrong way round too) I headed to old Gordons website. Oh dear, what a pile of s***. Really, I know they're trying to cater for all so as to offend none but this is ridiculous! It's so bland I almost mistook it for, em, something bland, a bland thing. Conservatives the same, don't think I bothered with Nicks. Or if I did his was too boring to remember. Next I heard about the Labour video on You Tube. Only 2000 odd views so I didn't think it could be too good, I was right. It seems to have been made following the lines of BBC radio 1's news, basically it's for dummies. Looks like it's for kids although sadly this is probably what it takes to get a large majority of the population to listen, unfortunately these people are most likely not to bother watching. Bad plan Labour. Not too taken with Conservatives plan to reward married coulpes with tax breaks, bit old fashioned.

Then yesterday the old style of politics that we've all been waiting for reared it's head, Mandleson calling Cameron 'toffee nosed' oh dear. If you haven't cottoned on to the fact that most people in this country think that all politicians are 'toffee nosed' then your party is in trouble. In all honesty I feel more confused than ever on who to vote for but I've started to I guess I'll have to finish. Maybe the Sun I'd not such a bad idea?! Anyone got a copy?

Ok, so would you rather....(couldn't resist the gesticulation shots)

The Scandi pixie workman look

Today Im chanelling what I'm calling the Scandi pixie workman (see boots) look.....

It's definitely a case of dressing for girls, F's face said it all this morning when I asked what he thought. He can't for the life of him understand why I enjoy dressing cute over sexy sometimes and why I take 'you look like a pixie' as a compliment, lol.

Is Birdemic actually real?

Surely this is just too bad to be real? I did check the date but it wasn't April Fools. Very odd, def. will not be gonig to the cinema to see that pile of bird sh**!

Would you rather eat raw egg or insect sushi?

Ok new exercise rules

In a bid to participate in the 2012 Olympics, I've decided there are quite a few sqidgy bits that must be erradicated from this body before it can become the athletes dream it is destined to be. Well slightly over the top but you get my drift. Get my drift, who say that anymore! Actually it's catch isn't it, catch my drift. I'm eating yoghut from a used jam jar this morning as I had nothing else to transport it in, wierd huh. Ok rules:

Less cheese, pizza twice a week will not give me a fit ass!

Less wine, flat stomachs are not to be found at the bottom of a bottle of South Australian Shiraz, boo hoo

No more snooze button, will not ignore my body clock trying to wake me up at 6:50, getting up earlier will get metabolism working sooner (is this true?)

More walking, will get off at Warren St and walk to office, this would be more effective with MBT's but I'm not that rich and would prob look completely stupid anyway

Go for a walk after dinner in bid to stop eating so much crap after dinner, not helped by F chowing down on chocolate fudge golden crunch every night! Wouldn't be so bad if he had an ounce of body fat to show for it, bastard.

Healthy food at work, do not give into Nicole The Feeder, just eat healthy snacks and lunch

More hot water when hungry

Some pilates every morning

More dancing to music videos, always keeping in mind that a stomach and ass like theirs is possible



Ok, go!

Greenpeace step up with their latest viral campaign against Nestlé’s Kit Kat

Watch the video below for a gruesome attack by Greenpeace on Nestle.



It's a great example of the action group stepping up with their digital offering. Greenpeace proving that if you want to make a point you need to make it digitally as this has long been considered an integral channel in the marketing mix. Digital is an essential element to any Marketing campaign and when harnessed effectively the results can be phenomenal as is being proven from companies such as John West (Salmon bear fight - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5n4xXc25wPE), Cadbury's (drumming Gorilla - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AC-bxM35t8), and Sony's magic balls (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DrFY3H-u8w) to name but a few. Will you be next to capture the world with your viral campaign? A side note - really hate You Tube's search, it’s rubbish. Quite strange really considering it’s owned by the biggest search engine in the world!  

Blaze-ing up the place

On Saturday I took F to see Blaze, a street dance performance at Saddlers Wells Theatre. I knew if I told him that was the plan that he would never agree to it but once there, we would love it. I was correct, this is not unusual ; ) It was AMAZING! If you’ve been sitting in awe at ‘So you think you can dance’ and then deciding you really should be a world class dancer and that Online Marketing is really not the way forward, then you need to go see this show. The dancing was mind blowing, the choreography truly inspiring, the tunes absolutely banging and best of all it was full of kids (posh one’s mind you as a ticket was £38.50) so you could see straight over their heads to the stage. We then went on to cocktails at Chancery Court Hotel, unfortunately it was too early for the Pearl so we made do with The Bar, not the best atmos but the best Lychee martini I’ve ever had. I say that as if I’ve had a lot of them but that might actually be my first, hmmm, but I could tell it was good and will be hard to beat, I think, oh well I enjoyed it at the time is what I’m saying. Then we went to One Aldwych Lobby Bar, managed to get a seat yipee and proceeded to drink cocktails until we could drink no more. I even met the guy who invented my blushing Martini, lovely fellow. So basically thoroughly enjoyed F’s Birthday night of fun, maybe a little too much as it reads like my perfect night out and not his. Oh….

The Parisian criminal look

Today I am chanelling the Parisian criminal look for my date this evening with the lovely Alice. I'm taking her to test cocktails at the Lobby Bar, Aldwych One in preparation for F's birthday day of fun on Saturday. It's always best to test poncy cocktail venues as much as one can before the real deal ; ) In a complete contrast I'll probably end up in my favourite Covent garden Mexican haunt, Wahacca for the food part of tonights festivities. I simply cannot resist the taco covered chicken strips and salty beer (i.e. chelada, best with Pacifico) if you haven't tried it, you haven't lived! Go today http://www.wahaca.co.uk/

 

London to Brighton Bike Ride For Alice, give, give, give!

Recently a friend of mine lost a close friend due to heart complications. It was totally unexpected and the girl, Alice was just 20. Her friends are now doing their best to raise a whopping £15 000 for the British Heart Foundation by doing a bike ride. The best thing about this is that my friend can't actually ride a bike, as if anyone in this day and age cannot ride a bike! Bless her. And she's from the country! Maybe she got around on horseback or something? Anyway, losing the point, if you'd like to donate follow the link below.

http://original.justgiving.com/foralice?from=UKSponsorExit

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" good one Kate!

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" even though I can see why that is such an irresponsible thing for Kate Moss to have said I can't help but laugh at the genius of it. If I was skinny I think I'd have to have a tee shirt with those immortal words printed across my bony chest. I can't help but walk around places such as the lovely Leicester and Liverpool city centres ( I get to go to all the glam places!) and look at all the grotesquely obese people and think 'hey, take a leaf out of Kates book!'. It does seem like the Uk is in a bit of a strange place when it comes to bodies, at one end of the spectrum we seem to have a derth of teenage girls, with boys now starting to join in as well, who are literally dying to become skinny. Starving themselves to fit in with the way many females are portrayed in the media, model like clothes horses with long gangly arms and legs. At the opposite end of the spectrum we have obese toddlers brought up by obese parents who moan about not being able to find clothes in a size 26 (although ASOS has now given them a helping hand with it's Curve range, if you're interested). I'm left wondering if there are indeed any normal people left in the world, seen as every time I go to H&M all the 10's are long gone, I'm presuming there must be. I find both extremes quite disturbing but what's the solution?